Yep, I have said many times that I like animals better than people. LOL
And I stand by my words except when my dogs get skunked and my cats bring me gifts. Sadly, the dogs don’t understand that sniffing a skunk’s butt repeatedly ends in multiple baths and lots of swear words from Mom. The cats… forget about it. A gift is a gift even if it causes me to scream and run.
I love them even with their smelly and unappetizing habits.
First thing you should know about me… besides being an author I’m also a collector of stray animals. It’s kind of an obsession if you want to believe my husband. As of this moment in time we have three insane dogs, three crazy cats, two hilarious goats and three retired race horses (aka Big Ass Lawn Ornaments).
Do not worry. We live on a farm and have the room!!!
When I write no one can be around me. I have to have silence—no music, no TV, no noise at all. The exception is my animals. They can breathe, bark, meow, bitch at me to throw the ball and let me know multiple times that it’s time to eat when it’s NOT time to eat. Honestly, I’m more creative when my fur babies are near.
Writing to me is magical. My animals are part of the process. Therefore the dummies have become my familiars.
Let’s meet them.
Cindy — The Princess of the World
Cindy enjoys digging, cuddling, digging, sleeping all the way under the covers, covert French kissing when you least expect it and digging. She is the sweetest. When she grows up, she wants to own a Kissing Booth.
Keith — The Badass Car Destroyer
Keith enjoys sleeping on heads, cuddling, chasing skunks, eating, destroying my daughters car when a raccoon decided to hide in the wheel well (for real), sniffing skunk butt and swiping food when you turn your head. Keith wants to be a Skunk Handler when he grows up.
Wanda — The Box of Hair Who Eats Furniture
Wanda who weighs seventy-five pounds is a lap dog in her own mind. She enjoys licking, cuddling, eating, rubber balls, chewing on chair legs, touching her human at all times and licking any body part available. She is also afraid of the dark. When she grows up she wants to be a Skunk Groomer.
Kevin — The Serial Killer Who Loves a Belly Rub
Kevin is a badass. He enjoys laying on his back spread eagle, pouncing on sleeping dogs, scratching the living hell out of most furniture and eating. He eats a lot. When Kevin grows up he wants to be a Stunt Man.
Helen — The Squishy Sweetie Moth Killer
Helen is a sweetheart. She has great love all living insects and murders them with gusto. Helen enjoys eating, ear scratches, making biscuits, the top shelf of her cat tower and staring at me until I give her a treat. When she grows up she wants to be the Proprietor of a Bug Museum.
Connie — The Badass Who Hates EVERYONE Except for Me
Connie is in a class all her own. She’s eighteen and used to be feral. She hates the dogs, the cats and most people. She is a total bitch and I absolutely adore her. Connie enjoys helping me type by walking on my keyboard, bringing me dead things, hissing at the dogs, sleeping and eating. She is my sunshine. When Connie grows up she wants to be a Dog Trainer.
So there you have it. My familiars own my ass and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope you have a familiar of your own.
xoxo Robyn
Comments
Love it😂😂😂Their names sound familiar
They do…. LOL
You live the life I wish I had lol. I used to be a stray collector when I lived in the country. But sadly I had to move and all my babies have since passed. But I had Gus the furniture eater, treer of turtles and all around sweetie. Mousey the sweet girl, my 1st dog that was mine,Vinne Vienna the dachshund, tinky the chi mix with who knows what, Shorty who was kept outside at the neighbors house 24/7 with no ond there days on end, we resucued him when he got taken to the pound, he was a corgi mix. Black tongue so we called him.a chorgi. Dante the hall monitor, anatolian shepherd,who loved to nips the kids heels when they ran in the house. Then we had Riley mommas baby the Westie. Also flying squirrels, hedgehogs a crazy quaker parrot she was bald and mean and only loved me. So I get loving animals more than people. I wish I could gobl back in time and be with all my critters.
Love it!! All your familiars are fantastic! I have 1 puppy, (11years old) she is total lap dog. A chihuahua that is trained not to yap yap yap! She barks like a lab dog, loves her groom times every month. She is growing to be a lap dancer!
What a life! You tell it well.
Absolutely Loved meeting all your Familiars! I have 2 Big A$$ babies myself. They are Maine Coon brothers who would prefer if they were an “only child”! They are spoiled rotten therefore my husband & I don’t travel anymore – I haven’t found anyone I trust to stay at my house & cater to their needs😹😹
They are so beautiful.
You aren’t the only one owned by familiars. I have 6 cats now, 3 male tuxedos Loki the Norse God, Frankie the Monster and Whiskey the Thug and 3 girls, 2 sisters Peaches the Keen one of the Golden Paw and Georgia May of the Thousand Yard Stare who are grey tabbies with a splash of blonde, Peaches more than Georgia May, and now our little Siamese girl Whisp who is a talker.