I’d like to share my recent and horrifying trip to Kroger. 

Picture this… 

I had a half hour to blast my way through Kroger to buy the stuff I needed to make the sugar-free crap that I’m eating because my blood work sucked. I know my way around that store blindfolded—been going there over a decade. 

Or so I thought… 

The first clue was the expression of confusion and terror on the faces of my fellow shoppers. 

I should have left. However, I didn’t have food in my dang house because I’ve been out of town and a dinner consisting of pickles, cereal and stale hamburger buns was not an option. 

I soldiered on.  

The adorable older gal on the scooter looked as if she might cry. At this point, I was in the veggie and fruit section. It was the same as it always was. Deciding I didn’t the time to chat with anyone to suss out the sitch, I grabbed what I needed and left the banana, basil and onion section behind. 

The sheer amount of guys and gals working and avoiding eye contact with customers was the second clue. However, I was still clueless. It wasn’t until I got to the condiment aisle (which was STILL labeled condiment aisle) that I started to panic. 

There was no salad dressing, no mustard, no hot sauce. BUT there were Little Debbies and Twinkies and other crap that I wouldn’t put on a hamburger. Whatever. I was certain I had salad dressing at home. 

Moving on. 

The entire freaking store was in the process of being rearranged into a Hell I didn’t recognize. Re-memorizing Kroger wasn’t on any to-do list I’d ever made. But here we are…  

After chasing down a gal who worked there, I found out that the pasta was over by the candles where the paper plates and cleaning supplies used to be. The spices had apparently taken a vacation to the canned veggie aisle and the bread laughed in my face when I found it next to the peanut butter and jelly that used to be ten rows over. 

I never did find any chicken broth, but I’m thinking it might have been with the shampoo. 

I now understood Scooter Gal’s tears. Thankfully, a lovely gal named Sue who worked there noticed my distress or simply wanted me to stop swearing and helped me find the rest of the stuff I needed. I thanked her profusely. She just smiled and thanked me for teaching her a few new potty words that she’d never thought of combining together. I tried not to wince and refrained asking which ones she meant. Some things are better left a mystery. 

So it’s looking like I will have to relearn my grocery store. I am very sad about this since it will take me months to undo what I already have in my brain. My goal is to find Sue on each visit and teach her new profanities. It’s the little things that keep me going. 

Question… Has this ever happened to you? And do you have any creative potty words (non-offensive) that I can add to the list. LOL

xoxo Robyn (the confused one who knows a lot of bad words)