Albert is a sensitive soul.
He loves piña coladas, reading bad poetry, talking about math, and potato chips. His faves are Lays and Munchos.
He’s excited about his first Christmas with our family. His list was… umm… very Albert.
I thought I’d share. LOL
xoxo Robyn
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Dear Santa,
First I’d like to apologize for thinking you don’t really exist. I have the same issue and it hurts my hairy feelings. I think your flying reindeer are bullshit, but if they happen to be real, can you give Blitzen my digits? I hear he’s fast and I’d like to challenge him to a race.
The Zahn people, my new family, are weird. The dad pretends to be other people for a living. And the mom sits on the back porch at her computer and laughs a lot. I think I shall keep them. I quite enjoy weird.
Anyhoo, Robyn (my hairless new mom) said I should make a Christmas list. I found the idea intriguing.
So without further ado, here’s what would bring me joy.
- Three (preferably used) math books. Fifth grade level.
- A case of reading glasses. My mom loses hers constantly.
- World peace for all creatures (especially my Bigfoot brethren)
- A vat of boiled peanuts. They’re tasty.
- A girlfriend. There’s a lovely and very hairy lass I’ve had my eye on named, Ludwina. If she’s single, please give her my digits. Do not give her Blitzen’s digits. I hear he’s a player.
- A new pair of tennis shoes for my dad, Steve. The four legged barking beasts they keep here ate his on Thursday.
- And lastly, I would like a podcast where I read my poetry. Most of my poems are about potato chips.
Thank you Santa. If you do indeed exist, I would be delighted to sup with you. I will be serving boiled peanuts and piña coladas.
All my hairy best, Albert
PS— I’ve included a few very attractive pictures of myself for your viewing pleasure. Show them to Blitzen and tell him I will kick his ass if he makes a play for Ludwina.
